In The Beginning.....

I'm no writer, I'm no health nut, I've taken very poor care of my body over the years.  I smoke, I eat fast food, I'm fully addicted to chocolate and caffeine, and I feel like shit.  I had an epiphany a couple of days ago.  I feel like shit because I choose to feel like shit.  Why would anyone do that?  We all choose what we put into our bodies.  It's a conscious choice to put either a burger or an apple into our mouth and eat it.  That being said, I simply decided to make a choice to not feel like shit.

I'm blogging this just to help keep me on track.  The epiphany was easy, the logistics of it all and the journey most likely won't be.  Do I want to be some crazy health nut?  Absolutely not.  I just want to feel better, that's all.  Of course I'm completely ok with the fact that I will lose weight in the process, but for once that isn't entirely my motivation.  I should probably give some stats for the sake of measuring progress of some sort.  As I said, I smoke, I've started to cut back on them and will quit soon.  Not entirely ready for that yet.  At this point I am doing what I'm ready to do and as long as I'm making progress I'm ok with that.  

I'm addicted to caffeine.  I drink about a half a pot of coffee every morning and then switch to Diet Coke.  I would go through approximately 6 - 10 cans of Diet Coke a day.  I've lost teeth because of it.  Again.....what the fuck?!  I essentially CHOSE to lose my teeth.  It's not like I didn't know that the soda was eating away at my teeth.  Hell, the dentist told me when I was 17.  I traded a few back teeth for a can full of chemicals.  Dumb.  When I had my epiphany the other day I switched to tea and water.  I haven't had coffee or soda in 2 days.  Yes, I know that tea still has some caffeine in it, but it's not coffee.  Granted, I've had a headache for 2 days as well.  I just keep reminding myself that it's my body acknowledging that I have an addiction and that it's going away.

I eat like shit.  I eat whatever sounds good like most people do.  Burgers, tacos, pasta, processed anything, and definitely chocolate.  Chocolate is it's own food group!  I love chocolate.  I have a very hard time being around chocolate and not eating it.  I do understand that chocolate is actually good for you.  That does not mean that M&Ms are good for you.  I went to Whole Foods Co-op yesterday and got myself a bunch of good stuff.  I got what sounded good to me, checked the labels for all natural ingredients.  I even found myself some organic chocolate that has 88% cocoa which is actually good for you.  As I said, I'm not a health nut and I don't really want to become one.  I just want to eat real food.  Food in it's most natural state.  At some point I would like to do a cleanse/juice fast/whatever.  I need to clean myself out and try to get rid of some of the shit that I've filled my body with.  The plan is to do it as soon as I quit smoking.  It doesn't make a ton of sense to me to try to clean myself out while I'm still pumping chemicals and really toxic shit into my body.  Beside the fact that I don't know dick about juicing or fasting or cleansing so I'll use that time to learn.

As far as how I feel like shit.  I have sore knees, a bad back, I cough and wheeze often, I'm usually tired, I occasionally have a hard time focusing, I've had surgery for my varicose veins less than a year ago and they are already coming back.  I don't really have any terrible life threatening disease, it isn't a matter of life and death in the normal sense of the phrase.  But really it is.  If I continue to go on like I always have, it's really just a matter of time.  I don't exercise at all.  I'm a bar manager so I am on my feet at work, but that's about it.  I used to play roller derby, and simply can't anymore due to my leg and foot surgery that kind of went wrong (long story).  That's another thing that's going to have to change.  At this moment in time I weigh 210 pounds.

Thanks for listening.  This is the real me, how I really talk, what I really do, how I really feel.  If you're reading this and have advice, thoughts of encouragement, helpful websites, I would greatly appreciate it.

Kristy