The Dentist is Trying to Kill Me

Watching all the documentaries that I have been lately is starting to become terrifying.  For the most part they are keeping me on track which is awesome.  Telling me things that I know and need to keep foremost in my mind.  Such as eating whole natural foods will keep you healthy, and eating processed, overly sugared food full of chemicals and things that were grown in a lab will make you overweight, unhealthy and can potentially kill you.  Here's the terrifying thing that hit me today while I was watching "The Beautiful Truth".

In many of the documentaries I've been watching they've mentioned that the fillings most of us have in our mouth are extremely poisonous to us.  Ok, until this film they haven't really gotten too much into it.  This one however made me want to rip them all out out my mouth.  As I've mentioned before, I've completely ruined my teeth with soda and my horseshit diet.  Because of this of course all my back teeth have fillings.  To learn that they give off fumes even after 50 years terrified me.  Mercury!  Seriously!?  I have mercury in my mouth?! What the fuck?!  That shit makes you crazy!  You can't even find a dentist that will take them out the way they should be because of course if you scratch or squeeze the damn things, they give off more fumes.  They have to be taken out a special way and replaced with who the fuck knows what.  I suppose I just have to live with it at this point unless for some reason I develop some weird problem that comes from it, but knowing that fucked my world up for the day.

This film has also deepened my hatred of modern medicine.  The fact that drug companies finance the FDA and the AMA.  Why on earth would they want people to be healthy?  They wouldn't make any money that way.  Soon I think it will be time to do a little research into Gerson.  Google it, it's interesting.

Comfort Food

I was sick as hell yesterday.  It could have been anything really.  I think it was just a bug of some sort.  Whatever.  It sucked, I feel better now so who cares.

The thing is I went back and forth between wanting to eat junk and realizing I was being stupid.  I certainly had access to it.  I'm really the only one in the house that's doing this.  I've mentioned before that my wife is allergic to MSG so we don't usually have a ton of overly processed food anyway.  That doesn't mean that we don't have any.  She's still fully addicted to Diet Coke so there's plenty of that in the house, there's a pizza in the freezer for my daughter when she comes this week since she whines if we feed her nothing but good stuff, and there's still plenty of other random things from before I started that I could have eaten.  I was seriously contemplating making some Velveeta Shells and Cheese.  Don't worry, I resisted.  I will admit that it was more because I felt like complete shit and didn't have the energy to get up and make anything than it was sheer willpower.  In addition to the fact that I was a little worried that anything I ate would come right back out again.

Why is it that I want comfort food when I'm sick?  Why do I want to eat crap that I know isn't good for me because I think it will make me feel warm and fuzzy to eat it?  I suppose that's part of the weird addiction to food.  The emotional attachment I have to food.  Hell, as a society we're programmed to be emotionally attached to food.  Comfort food, it sounds so innocent.  Everyone has foods that they consider comfort foods.  Macaroni and cheese, meatloaf, mashed potatoes, chocolate, cheesecake.  Ok, I have to stop, my mouth is watering.  None of that shit is all that good for me.

You'll all be happy to know that I'm over it.  Back to my healthy life, feeling good by putting good things into my body.

Holy Shit, It's Been a Week

Today marks day 7 since I decided to pay attention and give a shit about what goes into my body.  I do feel better already.  I've kicked caffeine's ass which feels good.  I am eating healthier foods instead of empty calories full of nothing but sugar and chemicals.  I've lost 8 pounds which isn't a ton, but whatever, it's not what I'm doing this for.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, I do know that I'll lose weight and look better doing this and I'm certainly not going to bitch about that!  I wear baggy guys' jeans, they're comfortable and I like them so shut up.  I wear a size 38, a few months ago for a short time I was even wearing 40's which I wasn't too terribly happy about.  Now the 38's are starting to slide down my non existent ass.  It doesn't matter how heavy I am, I'm mostly Scandinavian with a little Mexican thrown in there for color so I have no ass.  At some point maybe I'll start doing squats religiously and grow one of my very own.

I'm still not exercising which I know I need to do.  I would love to take the dogs for walks but considering at this very moment it's 6 below zero, that isn't going to happen any time soon.  Even if I bundle up, my poor little min pins would freeze their non-furry asses off.  I actually enjoy doing yoga and need to get back into it.  It makes me feel good, lessens my aches and pains, makes me stronger, releases toxins, blah blah blah.  I know I know, I need to work it into my routine.  I used to have a membership at the Y and loved it, maybe I'll start that back up again.  Granted, at the time it was a great excuse to get out of the house and spend time away from my ex-husband when we were together.  Now I actually want to spend time with my wife so I worry that I would pay for the membership and not go.  We'll see what the future brings.

Mall Watch

I had to go to the mall on Thursday.  As I walked around I was looking at everyone.  Really looked.  Yeah, I'm a creeper, what can I say?  There are so many people who are unhealthy.  I know I'm starting to sound like a nut, but it was sad.  About half of them were walking around eating even more junk.  Pretzels with "cheese", coffee with all kinds of syrups and who knows what in it, many had cookies since a new cookie place opened up there.  You can't make someone change their life, you can't force feed someone health food.  Or can you?  We've been force fed fast food, convenience foods, junk, sugar through TV ads, magazine ads, etc.  There's no point in hoping they would change and start telling the truth now.

I've been watching TV today and once you start paying attention it's amazing how many ads there are saying how "healthy" some things are.  They at least imply it.  Egg Beaters are "made from eggs only better".  Fortified milk.  Juice with added vitamins.  What the hell is wrong with a real egg, or fresh juice, or plain old milk?  The only way to get food in it's natural state any more is to seek out Whole Foods Co-ops or Farmer's Markets.  Society makes it difficult to eat right, and fucking expensive.

Now I realize, I could grow my own food and that would be considerably less expensive.  Grow veggies in the summer, grow my own herbs and shit.  There's one serious problem with this.  I can't grow fucking mold!  I've tried having plants and even a garden.  I simply don't have time for that shit and I suck at it.  I'm very good at a lot of things, trust me.  Growing things is not one of them.  I guess I'm stuck trying to find it where I can.  It'll be better in the summer with the Farmer's Market up and running, but up here in the frozen tundra we're sadly limited on our growing season.

So if anyone has any bright ideas, I'm all for hearing them.  I really don't mind terribly paying a little more to have good healthy food without all the chemicals and added shit.  It's worth it to me.  If however there's an alternative, I'm all for hearing it.

Changing What Goes Into My Mind

Today is day 4 of my voyage.  Some of the things I've noticed right away is that I'm more alert, my leg hasn't been bothering me quite as much the last couple of days, and my posture has improved for some reason.  Psychological?  Maybe....probably.  Do I give a shit?  Absolutely not.  The headaches only lasted two days, so that's good.  My head felt better yesterday and today so far so good.  Considering I would go through at least a 6  pack of soda and 3 or 4 giant cups of coffee a day, I was consuming approximately 600mg of caffeine on a good day.  There were many days it was more.  Now add on the fact that the soda has aspartame and all sorts of other crazy chemicals and who-the-hell-knows-what-else.  At this point in time, I don't even want soda, junk food, fast food, or any of the things I ate before.  It could certainly be the fact that it's the beginning and it's easy to be determined in the beginning.  I'm glad for it and hope it lasts, but the thought of eating any of that shit isn't the least bit attractive to me.

Another probable reason for my new attitude towards what I shove in my mouth is that I've been watching a lot of documentaries.  They're interesting to me and I've learned a lot.  It's something that keeps me on track and gives me motivation.  That's what this blog is for as well.  I tend to forget things, especially things that are good for me.  Keeping a log of the changes will keep me on track.  When I was a teenager one of my teachers told us a quote from whom I don't remember, but it was, "You are who you are by what goes into your mind, you change who you are by changing what goes into your mind".  I'm paraphrasing a tad I'm sure.  Have I mentioned my shitty memory?  You get the gist though.  The documentaries shovel the right things into my mind, to help change my thinking.  When I think about eating something shitty for me, I really think about what it tastes like, what I feel like after I eat it and suddenly don't want it anymore.  I was addicted to eating it, it wasn't really what I wanted to eat, it was what I was craving.  How many times have you said that?  "I'm craving a McDouble," or "I'm craving chocolate."

Now for a little story.  When I was 17 I was working in a warehouse and I slipped a disc in my lower back. I couldn't move, it was horrible.  I'm 41 now so 17 was quite a long time ago.  So of course my workman's comp sent me to the doctor, not the chiropractor.  I was out for 6 or 8 weeks and on the couch flat on my back for the vast majority of that time.  The doctor of course pumped me full of muscle relaxers and pain meds the whole time.  The second time I slipped the same damn disc I lived in the middle of nowhere and had to fight to go to the chiropractor.  Finally they conceded.  My chiropractor was awesome.  I needed help to get down the hall to the examining room and walked out on my own accord.  Something she said always stuck with me.  "Your body is a self-repairing machine.  All you have to do is treat it the way it's supposed to be treated and it will heal itself."  Well shit!  What the fuck are we taking all these drugs for then?  I started learning more about natural medicine and my hatred of modern medicine began.  Then life happened and I got lazy.  The knowledge was there, but I had small children and a husband who all ate the shit we always ate and I fell right back into the stupid shit I always did.  The knowledge remained as did the hatred of modern medicine.  Break a bone or get sliced open then fine, go get repaired.  Beyond that, they're worthless.  They treat symptoms, not disease.  YOUR BODY WILL HEAL ITSELF!  All I have to do is fuel it the right way.  The machine isn't going to run on sludge.

I'll end today on a somewhat gross note so if you're queasy, you can stop reading now.  I have switched the Diet Coke with water which means I am drinking a ton of it.  I am pissing like nobody's business.  So here's the kinda gross part.  Before when I took my morning piss it was dark, I mean like almost translucent brown and stunk!  Now, even my morning piss is near clear and has little to no smell.  Ready for more gross?  I used to have digestive issues.  They're not normal yet really, but they're better.  My wife (yes wife, get over it), used to tease me that I shit like an old man.  You know that smell, the nasty, "Oh my god what the fuck did you eat?!" smell.  It was also rarely solid.  This morning I took the most normal shit I've taken in a very long time, and it didn't stink!  Weird.  Cool, but weird.

With that, I wish you a good day.

Kristy

In The Beginning.....

I'm no writer, I'm no health nut, I've taken very poor care of my body over the years.  I smoke, I eat fast food, I'm fully addicted to chocolate and caffeine, and I feel like shit.  I had an epiphany a couple of days ago.  I feel like shit because I choose to feel like shit.  Why would anyone do that?  We all choose what we put into our bodies.  It's a conscious choice to put either a burger or an apple into our mouth and eat it.  That being said, I simply decided to make a choice to not feel like shit.

I'm blogging this just to help keep me on track.  The epiphany was easy, the logistics of it all and the journey most likely won't be.  Do I want to be some crazy health nut?  Absolutely not.  I just want to feel better, that's all.  Of course I'm completely ok with the fact that I will lose weight in the process, but for once that isn't entirely my motivation.  I should probably give some stats for the sake of measuring progress of some sort.  As I said, I smoke, I've started to cut back on them and will quit soon.  Not entirely ready for that yet.  At this point I am doing what I'm ready to do and as long as I'm making progress I'm ok with that.  

I'm addicted to caffeine.  I drink about a half a pot of coffee every morning and then switch to Diet Coke.  I would go through approximately 6 - 10 cans of Diet Coke a day.  I've lost teeth because of it.  Again.....what the fuck?!  I essentially CHOSE to lose my teeth.  It's not like I didn't know that the soda was eating away at my teeth.  Hell, the dentist told me when I was 17.  I traded a few back teeth for a can full of chemicals.  Dumb.  When I had my epiphany the other day I switched to tea and water.  I haven't had coffee or soda in 2 days.  Yes, I know that tea still has some caffeine in it, but it's not coffee.  Granted, I've had a headache for 2 days as well.  I just keep reminding myself that it's my body acknowledging that I have an addiction and that it's going away.

I eat like shit.  I eat whatever sounds good like most people do.  Burgers, tacos, pasta, processed anything, and definitely chocolate.  Chocolate is it's own food group!  I love chocolate.  I have a very hard time being around chocolate and not eating it.  I do understand that chocolate is actually good for you.  That does not mean that M&Ms are good for you.  I went to Whole Foods Co-op yesterday and got myself a bunch of good stuff.  I got what sounded good to me, checked the labels for all natural ingredients.  I even found myself some organic chocolate that has 88% cocoa which is actually good for you.  As I said, I'm not a health nut and I don't really want to become one.  I just want to eat real food.  Food in it's most natural state.  At some point I would like to do a cleanse/juice fast/whatever.  I need to clean myself out and try to get rid of some of the shit that I've filled my body with.  The plan is to do it as soon as I quit smoking.  It doesn't make a ton of sense to me to try to clean myself out while I'm still pumping chemicals and really toxic shit into my body.  Beside the fact that I don't know dick about juicing or fasting or cleansing so I'll use that time to learn.

As far as how I feel like shit.  I have sore knees, a bad back, I cough and wheeze often, I'm usually tired, I occasionally have a hard time focusing, I've had surgery for my varicose veins less than a year ago and they are already coming back.  I don't really have any terrible life threatening disease, it isn't a matter of life and death in the normal sense of the phrase.  But really it is.  If I continue to go on like I always have, it's really just a matter of time.  I don't exercise at all.  I'm a bar manager so I am on my feet at work, but that's about it.  I used to play roller derby, and simply can't anymore due to my leg and foot surgery that kind of went wrong (long story).  That's another thing that's going to have to change.  At this moment in time I weigh 210 pounds.

Thanks for listening.  This is the real me, how I really talk, what I really do, how I really feel.  If you're reading this and have advice, thoughts of encouragement, helpful websites, I would greatly appreciate it.

Kristy